Monday, January 24, 2011

Jan. 2010

I lost interest in blogging in October of last year. It just seemed to take too much time and I wasn't enjoying it. It is a bit like talking to ones-self with no response. Of late, however, I have had a few readers who stated they enjoyed reading the Living In Choice Blog, so here I am again.

I saw a bumper sticker today on my way to the post office that said, "The end in near - THANK GOD!" This is the way I feel about 2010 being over. For me it was filled with loss and grief in the midst of work, settling into a new house, sons divorce, a friend in need coming to live with us for awhile; our beloved Napoleon, the family pet, being very ill. He tried to take on our stress, I think. It almost got the best of him - and us.

What I learned from the experience of 6 months of living with aged parents transitioning into death and rebirth was just how challenging it is to Live in the moment in the face of such great personal loss. My Dad made his transition two years before - culminating in August of 2008. His process began in January of 2008. We watched his physical body deteriorate every day from a vibrant 92 year old, still working the in garden, driving the car, and playing canasta to inhabiting a physical body that was the shadow of itself, just skin and bone, and a heart that no longer pumped the blood through the system. There are so many emotional, life long, attachments - at least in my case to parents. They had always been there, supported, loved, cheered and oh yes, critized, expected, guilted, and all the rest. It had become a way of life and I knew with my father's death change had come to stay. My Mom lived on for almost two years following his death. She left this physical world in July of 2010 after having a stroke in Jan. Her physical body, like my Dad's, slowly deteriorated from lack of nutrition. Her stroke paralyzed her left side and the swallow reflex, so she could not take anything by mouth. She chose to have a feeding tube inserted in her stomach. After 5 and a half months, her body began rejecting the nutrition. He body was shutting down and the fluid just made her sick. We, my Sister and I chose to take her off the tube. We could not stand by and watch her suffer any longer. The nurse would prime the feeding tube and immediately the fluid would immediately be regirgated. Have you ever seen someone who did not have control over the swallow reflex vomit? Of course, the real threat is aspirating - taking the fluid into the lung causing pneumonia. We learned the choice to put the feeding tube in is much easier than taking it out. We were told we were starving her to death and that she would suffer horribly - we were told we were killing our Mom by medical health professionals. I can't relate to you how difficult it was to stay in the moment in the face of these accusations without reacting in some crazy way.

The reality was, she seemed so much happier and alert once we took her off everything - meds, fluids. She loved ice water and we kept it there for her to sip on, of course she could swallow very little of it but it seemed to satisfy her. All through the 6 months it was very difficult understand her speech, because of the damage from the stroke. She could not walk, write, move or move herself in any way. It was so painful to watch. We would take her around in a wheel chair, or to the sing-alongs in the recreation room, but her ability to interact was so limited. The light was gone from her eyes. She no longer had interest in T.V. or her beloved football games. Her radio was her life line and my Sister, who attended to her every need. I live 4 hours away and so could not be there every day as she was. My Sister's life revolved around working and going in the evening to check on our Mom and stay with her for awhile.

The process was very difficult to watch and still Live in Choice at the same time. Having a wonderful support system of family and friends made all the difference. Taking it a step at the time, breathing, meditation and prayer all helped.

This year holds the promise of new ideas, new projects, and new foundations to build upon. 2011 in numerology is a 4 year-a foundational number. Geometrically - the cube. The Mayan numbering system says the number four brings in stability. "The most stable of all forms is the cube. Four is the estabilhment of volume by definition. The four directions give orientation to any form as the height, length, depth and breadth give shape to any form. The energy of Four, sets the parameters which establish the freedoms and barriers needed to create a game, a work or relationship."

On March 8th, the 8th Level of the evolution of consciousness ends and on March 9th, the final wave of consciousness begins. Each of the 13 subwaves from seed to fruit will be 18 days each or 234 days for the total 9th level and the completion of the 16.4 billion march of consciousness to its culmination on Oct. 28, 2011. This level is called Unity Consciousness or Conscious Co-creation. This is a consciousness humankind has never before experienced. What to expect is unknown, nevertheless the previouse 8 levels provide us with knowledge of previous patterns throughout the previous 8 levels that provide us with some clues concerning what is to come.

So, stay tuned as I talk about each of the 13 waves of the 9th Level of the Evolution of Consciousness. It is humerous to think about the on-going debate between the creationists and the evolutionist because they are both correct. Interesting what we fight over.